Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
