She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
