If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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