He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
