I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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