Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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