Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
