I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
