I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
