I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
