my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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