I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
