The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
