I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
