All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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