Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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