his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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