i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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