I must be too annoying 4 u.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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