Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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