What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
