his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
