his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
