I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
