To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
