Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
