I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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