I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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