I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
