I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
