the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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