I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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