The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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