i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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