If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize