Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i now understand why vodka
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
