So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
