Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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