I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
