new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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