There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
