I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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