Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
