Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Shame - the story of my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
