hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
