apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You can't just leave with hair like that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
