I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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