I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
