I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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