I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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