Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
