I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
