I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
