I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
