When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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