I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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