So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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