I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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