I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
