Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
