I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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