I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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