I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
