I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The Olympian is in my bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
