I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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