You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
