do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
